Dave Hughes: A Resolution List by David Martin Hughes

  1. Come up with  ten new reasons why I can’t go to CrossFit this month, up to and  including, “I don’t want to join your f***ing cult.”
  2. Join CrossFit.
  3. Write a Limerick.
  4. Check #4 off of the list.
    There once was a man from Nantucket,
    had a crank so big ’twas carried in a bucket,
    he resolutely resolved t’have many girls fuck it,
    but alas, ’twas too big to even suck it.
  5. Stop tuning people out when their conversation begins with “It is vital that  you pay attention.”
  6. Go visit Kirk Novak in Los Angeles, ignoring the obvious dangers and the fact that he hasn’t invited me, it seems to be a foolproof plan. I can always stay at Jumbo’s Clown Room if he doesn’t answer the door.
  7. (Editor’s note: Dave did not include a #7, possibly because he superstitiously believes them to be unlucky, or he may have written something about taking advice from Emily Lund.)
  8. Listen to Elizabeth Gomez, she is always right. Unless it is 2 am in which case cross-reference advice with Emily Lund.
  9. Be a better DWWP contributor, but not entirely sure what that means. Reference #8.
  10. Never write a list again.
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