Elizabeth Gomez: An Interview with Her Inside Self

Today, we have the pleasure of diving into the mind of Elizabeth Gomez, blogger at onebadmomma.com and a contributing writer to Drinkers with Writing Problems. Let’s not waste too much time and jump right in!

Elizabeth (interviewer): Hi, Elizabeth Internal Mind (EIM), how are you?

EIM: I’m well. I’m so flattered that you asked me here today. I think it’s a wee bit narcissistic for you to be interviewing yourself. Don’t you think?

Elizabeth: Well, I didn’t have anything to post to the blog today, so you’re it.

EIM: That’s always your problem, Elizabeth, you always wait until the last minute to do something and then you come up with this crap.

Elizabeth: You need to stop. I don’t need your shit today. OK? It’s bad enough, Kirk Novak is going to mock me again for my lack of originality.

EIM: It’s not mocking, it’s constructive feedback.

Elizabeth: Fuck you, EIM.

EIM: Been there. No thank you!

Elizabeth: How dare you?

EIM: Let’s just get back to the interview.

Elizabeth: Yes, let’s. Ahem. What was your first memory of writing?

EIM: I don’t know. Actually, when I first held a pencil, I remember it was all about cartooning. It started with straight lines, then dots, eventually leading to full circles. My father saw a special talent in me and encouraged me to copy old Beetle Bailey comics that  he’d pull from the newspaper.

Elizabeth: OH! I remember that!

EIM: Then eventually I learned to write but nothing reflective. At first it was primarily words like “mom”, “dad”, “hello” and eventually my name.

Elizabeth: How did this make you feel?

EIM: Accomplished. If there was anything my education did for me, it was learning to read and write. What an amazing and useful skill!

Elizabeth: I know, right? I’m using it RIGHT now!

EIM: I knew you were going places, Elizabeth.

Elizabeth: When did you start taking writing more seriously?

EIM: I use to journal in my younger years. I loved to draw and write because I spent a lot of time alone. My mom was paranoid about my brother and I leaving the house while she was at work. She also didn’t want the responsibility of having other kids at our house when she wasn’t there. I spent way too much time by myself and getting down with Motown.

Elizabeth: Hey, your hair looks fabulous today.

EIM: Thanks! I started using a new shampoo. I never knew a shampoo could make you feel like such a brand new woman.

Elizabeth: It’s the keratin infusion and warming jojoba oil that really makes the difference.

EIM: I’m lucky to have hair, you know?

Elizabeth: What are you talking about?

EIM: Remember that time, back in the late 80’s when we were walking home from school and a kid threw a match in our hair?

Elizabeth: OH MY GOD! Yes!

EIM: And then it caught fire for a few minutes because of all the hair spray?!

Elizabeth: Stop, drop and roll, girl. Stop. Drop. And roll.

Moment of reflection for both

Elizabeth: Have we discussed Ryan Gosling?

EIM: Mmmmmmm.

Elizabeth: Mmmmmmmmm.

EIM: What are we going to eat today?

Elizabeth: I’d like an Italian beef soaked in all sorts of juice.

EIM: Is that because you’re thinking of Ryan Gosling?

Both guffaw

Elizabeth: Well, Elizabeth, being in your head today was not that interesting.

EIM: Seriously.

Elizabeth: But, I do appreciate your time and hope that we’ll be able to do this again.

EIM: Thanks! Next time, we should do it laying down and eating donuts.

Elizabeth: NO! We should do it laying on top of lots of mid twenty-year-old hard-bodied boys while eating apple fritters.

EIM: ONLY if the boys have a sweet sugar glaze on their chest that we can clean up for them.

Elizabeth: A sweet bourbon sugar glaze…..

Elizabeth and EIM: Mmmmmm…..bourbon sugar glazed donut boys.

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