Inspired by a prompt from the Writers’ Grotto book 642 Things to Write About
1. Death comes in many forms, but yours will be the result of not getting a tetanus booster.
2. You mean more to yourself than you do to your partner.
3. You are crying because you got what you wanted.
4. She who cleans passive aggressively will have a clean house. No thanks to anyone else!
5. Nothing says we’re fucked like the GOP presidential candidates.
6. The snow will melt and all of the dog poop will be revealed.
7. Make love tonight before your wife finds out.
8. True friendship as shown on TV is not in your future.
9. Hold on when the bus moves, or you will fall.
10. Your chickens will hatch, or they won’t. Seek joy in knowing your sperm is good.
11. True wisdom will elude you this week and every week after that.
12. Lend me your ears and I’ll sing you a song that I ripped off.
13. A bad attitude is adjustable with a tire iron.
14. One always wonders if one tipped well enough. To be honest, that was on the cheap side.
15. Do not despair unless at least three people have confirmed that it’s hopeless.
16. The only certainty in life is that you shouldn’t have sent that text.