Sandra Benedetto: 15 Things Chicagoans Say During Winter

1. It’s all about the layers, you guys [sweating profusely, passes out on train]

2. Is this how homeless people feel all the time? #privilege

3. While relieving oneself: Aaaaaaaaaah. This is the warmest I’ve been all day.

4. Hang on, I’ve just gotta post a screenshot of the temperature for everyone who is emerging from a coma right now.

5. Why do we live here again? No, seriously, why?

6. Fucking dibs.

7. What does Tom [Skilling] say?

8. You look tired. Have you had your Vitamin D checked?

9. There’s a magical land where you don’t need to put on a scarf, hat, face mask, ski gloves, babushka, double socks and 8-lb. boots to walk the dog. It’s called California, and we need to move there.

10. Well, the holidays are over. See you in April.

11. This just makes us appreciate the nicer weather more.

12. Circa college years: Coat, who needs it? Nothing comes between me and that mixture of sweat, vomit, pre-ejaculate, and O-bomb.

13. I refuse to wear a winter jacket in Mar– OMG, this wind!

14. Please shut up. You’re not the only one who can’t feel your face, because it’s -40 wind chill and nobody can feel their goddamned face. You’re not helping.

15. I’ll never be warm again. Pass the lighter fluid and matches, please. [proceeds to light self on fire]

Implicit in all of the above: We’re tougher than you.

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4 Comments

  1. I suppose it’s all a matter of perspective.
    I live in Las Vegas, Nevada where temps can reach 110 in April and 125 in August.
    My husband is a service tech and spends many of those hot (June, July and ) August days on two story roofs…remember heat rises… When the temps on the concrete of your sidewalk is hot enough to sear meat, he’s two stories above the ground working like a dog in the uplift from the fire below. We’d welcome a little snow some days.

    The things Nevadans say:

    1: “Yeah, it’s hot. But, it’s a dry heat”.

    2: “Don’t worry. It’ll cool down in October…the end of October.”

    3. “Spring? What’s that?”

    4. “It’s not really hot until at least 25 tourists have had heat stroke on the Strip!”

    5. “It’s only 115. Let’s go hiking!”

    6. “Wow! The temp outside is only 98 degrees. I guess it’s not going to get today.”

    7. (When a tourist asks, “Is it always this hot?”) “NOOO, in February it’s only 80.”

    8. (When a tourist tries to compete) “It reached 102 in Colorado last summer, for one whole day? Wow…how did you survive?”

    9. “I’ve changed my uniform four times since noon because of the sweat.”

    AAAAANNNND

    10. “It could be worse. We could live in Chicago during the winter.”

    …All a matter of perspective! 🙂

    Thanks for sharing! Fun post~

    angie @ http://www.thebookandi.com

  2. I am too busy enjoying the Heatwave of today’s windy, but 40 degree weather to add much more to this list or even attempt my own 15. But here are a couple that gets said inevitability each winter, “It’s not even that cold out.” or “You think this is bad? You wouldn’t even be able to handle the winter of (insert year) mostly a 19– 89 or earlier.”

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