Conor Cawley: The Plight of the Morning Person (Repost)

(9:30 am) My alarm goes off.

A long time ago, I customized the sound of my morning alarm. Before I discovered this, I would start my day with the loud sirens and incoherent DJ chatter of my defunct clock radio. As a non-morning person, the only way to start a morning off worse is with a cold bucket of water and swift punch in the face. I entirely blame that clock for my interest in emo music as a freshman in high school.

Since breaking the hypnotic hold my alarm clock had on me, I have used that musically-inspired first moment of the day to prepare myself for whatever happens. Non-morning people will agree, those first waking moments can make all the difference. And whether it was the guitar solo from “Free Bird” or the bridge from “Whole Lotta Love,” I always made sure I started the day off right.

At the present moment, my alarm is random sounds of a forest. Chirping birds and babbling brooks. Yeah, it’s pretty majestic.

I reach over to my phone and it says, “It’s 9:30am. Snooze or Off?”

“Off.”

“Ha!” my phone playfully retorts.

My phone knows me better than I know myself. I immediately set another alarm for 9:45am. Let’s be honest, a 9 minute snooze isn’t helping anybody. You  really need a solid 15 to make a difference.

(9:45 am) I blink and it’s already 9:45am. My phone greets me with more majestic birds chirping and brooks babbling, and I begrudgingly agree to actually get out of bed. I’ve learned the most effective way to avoid lingering in that warm, comfortable bed is to jump out as fast as humanly possible. The more time you allow your waking brain to process the comfort you are leaving, the harder it will be to make the transition into the cold, unforgiving world.

By the way, if you are wondering why I’m complaining about waking up at 9:45 am, it’s because I’m a night person. Earliness is relative. If someone goes to bed at 5:30 am and wakes up at 10 am, that doesn’t constitute “sleeping in.” Just remember, non-morning people always stay up late.

(9:50 am) I typically shower right after I wake up. There’s something about being Super Soaker-ed by dozens of tiny jets that really gives me the energy I need to take on the day. Come on, if you plan on being “just got out of bed” dirty all day and you aren’t drinking Bloody Marys at the bar across the street, you need to talk to someone.

(10:00am) Breakfast is an elusive meal for the non-morning person. We’d rather use those extra 6 minutes to sleep in a little bit longer. While the energy we would glean from something as simple as an apple could literally keep us awake for the better part of the day, that dream we were having right before we woke up was pretty great. We regret nothing.

Still, I’ll grab a Chewy bar if they’re available. I’m not a chef nor do I have time to make eggs. That’s where I shine.

(10:15 am) After hastily assembling all of the belongings I require to be a productive and positive employee, I sit in front of the TV for at least 15 minutes before I leave. Non-morning people will attest that being in control of your morning destiny is key. I could wake up at 10 am and still make it to work with time to spare. Having those fleeting moments of entertainment before heading off to the rat race make the morning that much more manageable.

(10:29 am) With time winding down, I look frantically between my phone and the television, receiving no enjoyment from either, as my attention is almost entirely focused on figuring out whether or not I could leave five minutes later if I tried a new route today. As the final countdown ends and I pick up my work possessions, I remember that all of this will be here waiting for me when I get back.

(10:30 am) As I lock my front door behind me, I feel a subtle sense of accomplishment. A brief, almost imperceptible moment of gratification because I, Conor Cawley, had defeated another morning.

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9 Comments

  1. I was laughing and commiserating with you as I read this blog. My “normal” bedtime is 3am and I HATE getting out of bed. I can wake up early all I want (wide awake after 3 hours of sleep) but it is the crawling out of my warm, comfy space that I avoid for as long as I can. Kudos! You have explained the non-morning person’s struggle daily. 😀

  2. As a morning person, I have trouble getting out of my warm, comfy bed too. My first alarm goes off at 3:00 am. The second one chirps at 3:30. Then, like you, I jump up as if aliens are in my bed. Thanks for writing something all adults can relate to. 🙂

  3. Over here, one is considered very lazy for waking up at 10am…but heck how do I sleep @ 4am and wake up by 6:30am…I need more sleep of course. Loool. It’s 2:52am right now and sleep isn’t here, this being my usual routine. However, I am a breakfast person, it is the most important meal of the day, so I ain’t going nowhere till my belly filled with oats and tea in a large cup😘

  4. I decided to wake up at 6:30 am everyday to bring a change in my life. The time got postponed from the second day itself and now it is 9:45! Better than 12:30 though.

  5. I am 100% with you. I hate going to bed as well as getting up. Unfortunately, for 35 years I was a teacher and principal and had to be at work around 7:00 A.M. I am writing to tell you that there is light at the end of the tunnel. It’s called retirement. I now go to bed anywhere from 2:00 A.M. to 4:00 A.M. and get up anytime after 10:00 A.M. with absolutely no guilt. It is the one thing about getting old that is absolutely wonderful.

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