Conor Cawley: Modern Love and Corinthians 13:4-8

I went to two weddings in one day last week. In addition to the unconditional love, the outpouring of familial support and the seemingly endless open bars I was privileged to, I also heard a passage from The Bible. This passage, found in Corinthians, should be at least vaguely familiar to you if you have ever been to a wedding, or even just watched one on TV.

Due to its complimentary views on love, its fluidly poetic cadence and, most importantly, its reception-prepping brevity, Corinthians 13:4-8 is a staple of most wedding ceremonies. Probably because there isn’t much else in the Bible when it comes to being smitten over that special someone. After all, Jesus loves you… but he isn’t in love with you.

The real question is, should we be taking love advice from a book that was written thousands of years ago? While the passage seems timeless, a little update never hurt anyone. And so, here is the updated version of Corinthians 13:4-8 for the modern era:

Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not check emails, it does not post selfies, it is not viewed through an Instagram filter.

It does not troll people. It will not watch episodes of Orange Is The New Black without you. It will not get mad at you if you watch episodes of Orange Is The New Black without it. It does not keep track of how many episodes of Orange Is The New Black you watched without it.

Love does not delight in your inability to understand time zones but rejoices when you get it right.

It always likes, always comments, always favorites, always retweets.

Where there are terrible movie remakes, they will cease; where there are GrubHub orders that take more than 2 hours, they will be stilled; where this is knowledge about an upcoming music festival, it will pass away. But love never #fails.