Sandra Benedetto: You’re Welcome, Weird Al

Antsy
[Tune popularized by Iggy Azalea]

I’m so antsy
You already know
I can’t stop twitching
from my head to my big toe
I’m so antsy
Can you say psych hold?
Forever high strung
‘Bout to blow

Take it Out
[Tune popularized by Florence + The Machine]

And I’ve tossed peels and I’ve tossed rinds
I can never leave that smell behind
I can see some whey, I can see some whey
I’m tired of hefting that bag around

Our stuff is rancid, such as old ground round,
Tonight I’m gonna bury that mess in the ground
So I like to keep my cinch-sacks drawn
But there’s always compost on the lawn

Take it out, take it out, take it out, take it out, ooh whoa
Take it out, take it out, take it out, take it out, ooh whoa
And it’s hard to cram when it’s already so packed
So take it out, oh whoa

Snore
[Tune popularized by Katy Perry]

I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath
Scared to rock the bed and make a fuss
So I slept quietly, exhaled politely
I guess that I forgot I had a choice
I let you push me past the middle point
I tried the machine, so I tried most everything

You – put the pillow down, listen up (HEY!)
Already losing the earplugs
You hear my gasps, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You — put the pillow down, listen up (HEY!)
Get ready ’cause I’ve had enough
You hear it all, You hear it now

I got the nose of the pug dog, a warthog, breathing all guh gagh
‘Cause I have sleep apnea and you’re gonna hear me SNOOOOORRRE
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I have sleep apnea and you’re gonna hear me SNOOOOORRRE

We Are Never Ever Getting Crack Together
[Tune popularized by Taylor Swift]

I remember when we smoked up the first time
Saying, “This is it, another puff,” ’cause like
We hadn’t felt so happy in a month
When you said you needed base. (What?)

Then you come around again and say
“Baby, I got you ‘cause I found a chunk of change, trust me.”
Remember how you pressured me for days?
I say, “No way, dude,” you take off, you call me, “I found some.”

Ooh, you skeeved me out again last night
But ooh, this time I’m telling you, I’m telling you

We are never ever ever getting crack together,
We are never ever ever getting crack together,
You go talk to your guy, talk to my guy, talk to me
But we are never ever ever ever getting crack together

Like, ever…

Meme
[Tune popularized by Lorde]

We wrote some ditties you’ll never see on screen
Not very pretty, but at least they aren’t dumb things
Leaving double rainbows to a place within my dreams
And you know, I’m kind of sick of memes

I’m kind of over getting told to watch the Confession Bear, so there
So all the cats are cute bread around their heads but it wasn’t my thing
And everyone’s competing for the love of Ryan Gosling
‘Cause what this gal just wants is real T.V.

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