Dave Hughes: Happiness

Happiness isn’t won

walking across white sand beaches.

Your heart bursting,

while you try with all your might,

to burn this memory into your mind.

The warmth of her hand in yours,

and smile in her green eyes,

as she brushes her hair out of her face.

It is won at 5 am,

in cold kitchens,

in colder silences.

It is won, as you clutch the one you love,

and she writhes in the pain

that you inflicted.

It is won, in dim bedrooms

as you tell the truth.

That you were never, who you said you were.

And so you wait on your knees.

Wondering

if you will see disgust in her eyes.

It is won, when you realize,

that all this time was almost wasted,

that when all was said and done,

you weren’t fighting for her,

you were only fighting yourself.