Mike Wylde: The Confession

“In penance, recite five ‘Hail Marys’ and five ‘Our Fathers,’” stated the heavenly voice from the small, curtained window.

“Should I do it now, with you? It’s been a while, remember.”

“Take time to pray in the church before you leave, my son, and spend time with God.”

“Is it cool if I pray for other things now, and then do the prayers you told me while I’m heading home? I’m on a time crunch.”

“God should always come first in your life, so make time for Him now.”

“OK.  I can always pick up the lumber for the deck tomorrow morning before the kids get up.  Good call.”

“OK then, my son, there may be others who need me.”

“Oh, yea.  So I’m good on everything I told you about, even the Idaho alpaca situation, then?”

“The Lord is forgiving, so you are forgiven.  After your penance.”

“The five and five. Right.”

“God bless you, my son.  Go in peace.”

“But don’t go because I should stay for the prayers you told me.  So I will go in peace after my ten prayers and then I will be forgiven by the time I pick up my lumber because I assume I have to wait for the next business day for the forgiveness order to be processed and enacted.”

“The Lord is everywhere at all times. You will be forgiven today.”

“A clean slate today. Wow. Super efficient.”


“It’s either ‘some men’ or ‘a man’. You can’t say ‘a men’ because the article doesn’t fit the subject.”

“Amen, meaning ‘so be it’.”

“Oh.  Thanks for the forgiveness thing, I really appreciate it. Seriously.”

“Amen, my son.”

The door clicked shut as Father Landow stared into the screen, numb.

“What the fuck?”


Find out more about Mike Wylde by clicking here.

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