Kirk Novak: How to Not Look Stupid, You Silly Goose

Kirk Novak’s super-easy guide to checking your sources and sharing information across this great big scary World Wide Web with confidence!

I am orbiting the age of 40, which means I am a part of the last generation of people who generally had to accept what you were told, even if it kind of sounded like bullshit, because fact-checking was much more difficult than it is today! That was loser talk and generally better left to nerdlingers and creepy loners – the kind of people who are now your best friends – to do that sort of boring thing and then totally bring a party down with the truth and make everyone realize why nobody liked them anyway.

DEEP BREATH!

In the information-jet-cocktail-no smoking-MMORPG age confirming whether or not someone is completely full of shit is easier than cancelling an elevator after you’ve pressed the wrong button! You can’t do that in 2013 which is pretty messed up if you think about it!

Follow these three steps and you will not find beauty or wealth, but you will sleep at night with smug confidence!

  • YOU ARE PRESENTED WITH INFORMATION!

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  • YOU CONSIDER WHERE YOU GOT THAT INFORMATION! MOST IMPORTANT STEP! READ AND RE-READ UNTIL YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM SAYING! THAT CAN BE HARD, I KNOW!

The information may not always be handed down to you in the familiar oral tradition by wacky relatives, but can now be transmitted through text message, email, Facebook, and many other virtual interstates on the information superhighway! They will most certainly include a link from a website where people with keyboards can pretty much say whatever they want! Kind of like DWWP!

Types of websites where people what get learned:

http://www.naturalnews.com/

http://www.theonion.com/

http://www.cnn.com/

http://www.realnews24.com/

http://dailycurrant.com/

ANY news website with the words “natural” or “real” in the name, has probably disregarded “science” and “integrity”! They are not intended to make you laugh at the absurdity of humanity, and you should get angry about this bullshit being represented as legitimate news!

ANY news website that is named after a fruit or vegetable is probably satirical! Satire can be hard for a person getting by day to day in our earnest society! Memorize these definitions and level up in life!

sat·ire [sat-ahyuh r]

1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
2. a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.
3. a literary genre comprising such compositions.

2013 Dictionary.com motherfuckers! < SOURCE!

In other words, when you read satire, you should laugh at the absurdity of humanity and not get so angry about this bullshit because you think it is legitimate news!

ANY news website named CNN or MSNBC or FOX should always be treated with the utmost skepticism, but that is a concept that is beyond the scope of this article! You will get there! What they report might be bullshit, but you can have a little more confidence that it is legitimate news!

  • YOU ACCEPT OR DISREGARD THAT INFORMATION AND ULTIMATELY DECIDE WHETHER OR NOT TO PROPAGATE IT FURTHER!

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Have a wonderful day and don’t start believing!

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