Kirk Novak: Breaking Bad Spinoff Pitches, Part Deux

The final chapter of Breaking Bad has played out operatically, and the series has begun to fade from public consciousness. Now is the time to milk that cash cow for all that sweet, sweet butter.

Borrowing and expanding upon the original pitches published by Elizabeth Gomez, I present: Break Bad Spinoff Pitches, Part Deux.

Yellow Cab: Skyler White, now Skyler Lambert, takes her experience as a taxi dispatcher and moves to New York City to start a new life with the Yellow Cab company. Unable to escape her past, and confronted with new horrors on the mean streets of NYC, she begins a steady descent into madness. A serialized “reimagining” of Taxi Driver.

Mindless Tucco Salamanca: Before Tucco was a psychopathic drug kingpin, he tasted the straight life by writing and starring in his own sketch comedy show. Watch Tucco violently and brutally satirize current events while physically threatening his audience. Mind of Mencia meets Morton Downey Jr. meets “Chopper” Read.

Adventures in Babysitting with Todd: A younger Todd Alquist takes a job babysitting a 15 year old and an 8 year old to earn money and impress his Uncle. Crazy adventures ensue when the kids get caught up with Todd in various zany white power schemes as he learns that babysitting is the hardest job of all.

Gomez and Hank: Two men working this closely for this long develop something more than friendship. They struggle to maintain their intimacy while concealing it from DEA brass and their wives. Brokeback Mountain meets NYPD Blue meets the Shield.

Chemistry for Kids with Walter White: Walter White makes learning chemistry fun and easy on this weekly PBS series. Each week is presented like a piece of a puzzle and at the end of the season your children have learned how to make a powerfully addictive methamphetamine. Science is fun again. The dark side of Bill Nye.

Today in Real Estate with Jane Margolis: Jane Margolis lets you know if the apartment next door is for rent or not for rent, and she does a lot of heroin. Rush meets the Money Pit meets Survivor.

What’s Cooking for Breakfast? – Every week Walter White Jr. eats breakfast. Every week. He loves breakfast. Everybody loves breakfast. Don’t you love breakfast? What’s cooking for breakfast?

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