If you read last week’s blog about my attempt to cleanse (drinking only warm water, lemon juice and honey), you were probably wondering if I died before making it to today. Good news, I did not die. I did however observe a few new things and wanted to give an end result synopsis, so here goes…
6:00 AM: Warm water, lemon and honey cause uncontrollable gagging. Spit all over kitchen counter while trying to keep from throwing up.
6:03 AM: Try again, keep liquid down, wipe tears from eyes. Eat watermelon and choke on seed.
10:00 AM: Reconcile and approve expense reports including catering receipts. Read the descriptions of the catered food. Read the menus from the catering companies. Smell the grease spots on the receipts. Confess to coworker that the receipts look tasty.
12:30 PM: Eat half watermelon. Drink water, lemon juice and honey (WLH), notice coworkers who read last week’s blog are dropping off oranges periodically. Eat all oranges. Decide oranges are the new watermelon.
1:30 PM: Decide to go to dinner with friend who is in town. Feel guilty and study menu for any signs of watermelon.
2:30 PM: Declare “Fuck this stupid cleanse, I’m eating food tonight!”
6:00 PM: Order wedge salad with blue cheese dressing.
6:20 PM: Practically fold over from pain. Remember the words of Ron Burgundy, “Milk was a bad choice.”
7:30 PM: Milk (dairy) is still a bad choice.
9:30 PM: Declare “I’m going back on this cleanse forever.”
6:00 AM: WLH with a smile. Determine that WLH was actually tasty all along.
11:30 AM: Tell everyone that WLH was a good idea.
1:30 PM: Feel cleansed.
8:00 PM: See husband who is hungry, decide to go to dinner, order salad (no dressing).
11:00 PM: End cleanse.
After 5 days of almost nothing but fruit and WLH, I will admit I felt better. My clothes were looser and the jeans I could barely fit into the Sunday before, easily buttoned. I am not sure if I lost any weight since I don’t have a scale (see previous blog “ Breakup Letter to Taylor”) but it was very easy to transition directly into my 100% paleo diet and I didn’t feel as bloated and sluggish as I did whilst eating fried pickles in Alabama. At this point, I do not know if I would do it again, but I don’t regret trying it.