Hi Elizabeth. Don’t mind me. I’m going to follow you around a bit and occasionally loom over you to make you slightly upset. Seriously, you won’t even notice me as I make your knees creak and your back hurt all the time. You’ll think it was that desk you moved.
No, don’t bother making me dinner. I usually take that stuff and put it around your waistline. Your hair is looking mighty fine. I’m glad they didn’t have grey available at the store because I rather like the silver. Adding the yellowing teeth makes it a perfect combination!
I’ve already given your memory her eviction notice. After some negotiating, and because she’s lived there so long, we decided it would be best to have her move her things out slowly. So, if you can’t find your keys or if you don’t remember why you went into that room, just remember that your memory is slowly packing up.
Now, I’ve heard that you talked to your doctor about some things that concern you. Again, I got you. I’ve already started working on the acid reflux and soon you won’t be able to eat anything except brown rice (in water) and an occasional banana. Gout is a little backed up right now, but I’ve sent an email reminding him to come by soon. And cancer……well, I can’t tell you everything, can I? I don’t want to ruin any surprises!
Listen, I have to run. I’ll be back as soon as you start feeling good about yourself.
Tah-tah for now!
OH! I forgot to tell you regret and self-loathing are already on their way!
Drinkers with Writing Problems 
Regret and self loathing are for kids. At my age, it is all about telling others tough titties.