Overheard Dialogue #1, #2, #3 and #4, Framed by Life and Death Requests from the Author

Henceforth, I would like my title known as: Kirk “the smile that frowns” Novak.


(An elderly woman and her middle aged son approach the nurse at a reception desk in the office of a general practitioner.)

NURSE
That is a nice scarf lady! Pretty slick!

ELDERLY WOMAN
Oh, it was his, but I am wearing it because he thought it was too gay.

MIDDLE AGED SON
Too long, Mom. Too long.

(BLACKOUT)


(Two men are standing at a trough in a bathroom in Wrigley Field urinating.)

CUBS FAN #1
Didn’t they make these things illegal?

CUBS FAN #2
Why would they make these illegal?

CUBS FAN #1
They’re not illegal?

CUBS FAN #2
No! That’s how they make Budweiser!

(BLACKOUT)


(Two women sitting next to each other in the back of a #66 CTA bus traveling Westbound boozing it up in the middle of the afternoon and arguing about liquor.)

WOMAN #1
You didn’t even give me a drink!

WOMAN #2
You didn’t ask!

WOMAN #1
I don’t need to ask! I PAID for it!

WOMAN #2
You didn’t pay for it! I OWE you!

(BLACKOUT)


(Woman cuts in line at the self-checkout of a grocery store to the consternation of other customers)

WOMAN
I don’t give a fuck, and I’m voting for Obama too!

ME CHECKING OUT BEFORE WOMAN
(whispering to wife)
Why did she scream that? I’m voting for Obama.

WOMAN
I don’t give a shit! Do you think I care?

MAN IN LINE BEHIND WOMAN
No, No I don’t. That’s why you did what you did.

(BLACKOUT)


I want “I am glad I was good for a laugh,” transcribed on my epitaph.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s