Emily Lund: 10 Grammar Errors, Misspellings and Downright Stupid Phrases That Cause Me to Lose My Brain – Part Two (not too)

I received so many responses from last week’s angry rant that I thought I’d create a part two of all the stuff I missed or was too rushed to include. I planned on doing this after more case studies and observations, so I could really get the BEST material (perhaps June timeframe). However, in light of Michelle Bachmann’s latest attempt to seem smart or literary, I could not resist.

For those of you who missed it, here’s what she said, “There were numerous Republicans that voted against the sequestration because we knew all of these calamities were in the future. And so it reminds me of the Shakespeare line: ‘Thou protestest too much.’ Didn’t you know this was going to happen? We knew it. That’s why we voted against this bill.”

Of course, we all have different political views and I’ll leave mine out of this document. Regardless of my thoughts on her politically, I don’t feel there is much room for discussion on this one. She’s a moron. Just in case you were thinking that maybe there’s a point to debate here, I pulled out my trusted copy of Hamlet and read these words with my eyes, “…the lady doth protest too much, methinks”.

PROTESTEST??? My brain just fell out of my eye socket. Because of this blatant abuse of a mouth and a microphone and the misquoting of a literary genius, I have focused “Part 2” on the misquoting and mispronunciation of things (no, not mispronounciation). I thank all of you who provided your favorites.

1) Nip it in the butt: Hmmm, well let’s see. The last time I wanted to end something before it got too big, I did not think the solution was to bite someone in the ass. How would that prevent something from progressing? I’m pretty sure that if I bit someone in the ass, it would start a whole new series of negative and weird events that would then have to be nipped in the bud. I do not recommend you ever do this…ever.

2) Irregardless: NO!! Just so you know, every time you say that, not only do I think you’re an idiot, but also a douche! You clearly think you sound intelligent because you finally used a word with multiple syllables. Just stick with something easy like “and”.

3) Orientated: Here is another example of when you thought you were intelligent enough to use words with more than one syllable. In fact, you even added an extra for good measure. Stop it! Maybe you are disoriented, but probably you are not smart.

4) Nucular: We can thank our beloved George W. for perpetuating this little doozy. If the president of the United States says it and actually opens a library that has books, it must be correct. Question everything! We might find ourselves in the midst of a nuclear war if we don’t.

5) All of the sudden: It is clear to me now that people don’t read and have bad hearing. I’m sure someone heard this incorrectly and continued to say it. It was never read, because of illiteracy. All of a sudden, my brain burst into flames.

6) Supposebly and undoubtably: I suppose there could be some sort of strange aversion to the letter “d” and this is not directed at people with speech impediments. For the rest of you brain trusts, who supposedly speak the English language, please go back to communicating via clicks and grunts. That will undoubtedly be easier for you to handle.

7) Heigth: I do believe I learned this word in first or second grade. I won’t assume those of you pronouncing this word with a “th” at the end have made it that far in school yet. I am sure you will reach new heights of success living out your days in your parent’s basement. Good luck!

8) Ingrade: Oh you! Look at you insulting others in such a smart and clever way. Maybe if you were less of an idiot and more of an ingrate, you’d be ungrateful for the brain you were given and you’d go in search of a new one?!

9) Medium: Not the t-shirt size and not the occupation, I’m talking about that grassy or cement area that divides roads. Even a medium could predict that you are not going to go far in this world, and you probably shouldn’t drive, or walk for that matter.

10) Play it by year: Now I must admit, I have never heard this one. It was submitted by a fellow grammar Nazi. I was in such amazement of this, I felt it my duty to add it to the list. If you are playing it by YEAR, then please take some time off from playing the piano or going with the flow. If you wait to see what happens while you are playing it by year, I feel you will be waiting a long time; approximately a year is my guess.

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3 Comments

  1. Very funny, Emily! For someone who had nothing but contempt for my anal preoccupation with grammar, you have turned out quite well.

  2. Where I am from, that is the country of origin of your precious language, “orientate” is a valid and possibly the only accurate term for what North Americans call “orient” which is clearly only a side of Earth, so I resent that one. The rest is hilarious, Kudos!

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