Kirk Novak: Religion

“Look, he’s doing it again.” The short blond haired man tapped the tall brown haired woman in the chest and pointed to Oscar, the orange cat.

“You hit me in the boob,” she replied. She stared at him, waiting for an apology. They were both putting on their coats, getting ready to leave for church.

“I’m sorry,” he said absently. “Why do you think he does this? It’s so weird.”

Oscar dragged his paws along the hardwood floor as if he was trying to bury a treasure that only he could see. The blond haired man and the brown haired woman watched him intently.

“It’s instinctual, he’s trying to bury his food,” she confidently told the brown haired man.

“Oh,” he said.

Oscar continued scratching at the floor. He let out a series of meows. In his head Oscar understood himself perfectly clear. Humans were pretty stupid.

“This is a sacred ritual to ensure the return of daily food, lest I not starve to death,” Oscar thought, but “Meow, meow, meow,” is all the brown haired woman and the blond haired man heard.

Oscar started spinning in circles as if he were chasing his own tail (also a religious practice).

“What a weird-o,” the brown haired man said. The blond haired woman tapped Oscar with her foot and he tumbled over onto his side. He started purring because that really pissed him off.

“I was trying to create a portal to the Gods,” Oscar screamed, which sounded like something between a meow and a howl.

Both the brown haired man and the blonde haired woman laughed. “He’s so cute,” “We have the cutest cat,” “He can’t help how cute he is,” etc.

“Now I’ll have to start over,” Oscar meowed.

“Lazy cat,” the brown haired man said.

Oscar’s planted his front legs as his tail suddenly shot straight up and began fluttering while he kicked his rear legs back and forth.

“If I can finally get this ceremony right you two will be dead before you the day is over having choked on your own vomit,” Oscar growled.

Oscar stopped suddenly as he began heaving and vomited on the floor.

“Damn it, I did it to myself again,” he painfully mewled.

“Goddamnit, Oscar! We don’t have time to clean this up now,” shouted the brown haired man.

“We’ll get it after church. Let’s go,” said the blond haired woman.

They left through the front door. Oscar watched them leave. He then looked down at the clump of hair and mush of cat food that lay in a pile before him.

He leaned down and ate it.