5. It’s better than spending your Friday night eating donuts in your shower.
4. You can invite your friends by making a big deal about how you know about the underground arts scene in Chicago (translation: attempt to calm your social anxiety by controlling your environment when you leave your house).
3. You’re old and this show has seats, a place to put your drink, and we will turn down the volume for you.
2. Your chances to witness Conor Cawley and Dave Hughes get into a bare knuckle fist fight over the health benefits of Fireball and Malort is high.
1. You love Drinkers with Writing Problems and can’t wait to meet all the writers and performers!
Drinkers with Writing Problems 
Daman that DOES sound pretty good. And I AM really old. Let me work on it.