Murphy Row: 7 Jobs on the Endangered Species List

Jobs much like species go extinct. Collectively as humans we can act in many ways to save them. Collectively as humans we will simply choose not to act in many ways and they will be gone the way of the dodo and the lamplighter. The following is a list of jobs that have recently been added to the endanger list. If you are unfamiliar, the endangered list for both species and jobs refers to something the exists but is seriously at the risk of becoming extinct.

Taxi Driver. As sure as a yellow light means speed up, the ride share industry is taking over. Ever since Uber, there is no stigma for upper middle class folks to make extra cash driving people around. Now, those who can actually afford to own a car can make money for their trip to Australia without feeling inferior to Carol down the street who would never have to save up for a vacation.

That being said…

Driving Instructor. The self driving car is on its way, and it is going to change travel as we know it. While the car drives itself, we will all need to find something to do with ourselves, but knowing how to drive is not one of them. We will tell our kids that we actually used to drive cars ourselves and it will never occur to them that thousands of sad people made a living teaching us all how to drive.

Others receiving votes: any other profession that drives, and maybe one day pilots.

Golf course superintendent. As drought sweeps across the country, the cost of water will skyrocket. When water prices skyrocket, the cost of keeping a golf course running will be astronomical. The pool of people who can actually afford to golf will dry up, and every course but Augusta National will close. Fun fact, did you know that on the west coast there is booming industry of lawn painters. Companies make a profit painting dead lawns green.

Others receiving votes: lawnmower, gardener, forrest ranger, or any grass care professional.

Illinois Politician. At a certain point you have to stop throwing good money after bad. I’m not sure how this is all going to play out, but eventually tax payers are going to stop paying for a government that does not work. After all it was Abraham Lincoln who said, “No man is good enough to govern another man without the other’s consent.”

NFL Scout. The NFL will last as long as parents let their kids keep playing football. Given what we are finding out about repeated hits to the head, the talent pool will dry up with the golf courses. You can only scout people who are playing.

Therapist. Would you rather go through a ton of stress and pain dealing with your deep seeded emotional issues for the delayed gratification of finally feeling whole again, or would you rather play Candy Crush anytime you have a minute alone with your thoughts?

Marijuana Dealer. As states start to legalize marijuana, this long tradition of drug dealing will come to an end. America will loose its best business school. It was a 15 year program that started when you were 15 years old selling to friends and talking about colors. It ends when you move on in your 30s and you realize you know everything there is to know about running a small business. MDU will be closing soon.

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