[This piece was performed at Drinkers With Writing Problems Presents: A Shot and A Story, a live-lit show in Chicago put on by your favorite DWWP writers and some of their friends]
Sometimes, everything works out.
You wake up before your alarm goes off.
You have text messages, retweets and likes waiting for you on your phone.
You don’t hit your head on the sharp corner of your nightstand.
You get the perfect temperature for your shower on the first try.
You find the perfect outfit and it’s the first item you grab out of your closet.
You have enough time to eat breakfast.
You have food to make breakfast.
You don’t have to run to catch the bus.
You don’t have to sit next to anyone on the bus.
You get to see that crazy guy on the bus that gives everyone high fives.
You don’t have to give him a high five because your stop is next.
You don’t miss your stop.
You do your job well and no one scream-punishes you.
You remember to clock-out so you don’t have to send an embarrassing email at 5:06pm.
You get home early because the bus driver wants to be home more than you do.
You don’t have any responsibilities and can do whatever you want for the rest of the night.
You find beer in the fridge, a blanket on the couch, leftovers in the freezer and a Modern Family marathon on TV.
You go to bed at a reasonable hour.
You don’t hit your head on the nightstand again.
You fall asleep easily without thinking about every mistake you have ever made in your entire life.
But sometimes… everything doesn’t work out.
You don’t wake up to your alarm and you start your day in a rush.
You find your phone is a barren wasteland of non-existent communication.
You crack your head against that poorly placed and weirdly sharp nightstand.
You alternate between getting scalded and frozen because your shower is having mood swings.
You find every pair of underwear you own is in the washing machine, not the dryer.
You don’t have time to eat breakfast.
You realize that even if you did, the only thing you could eat would be your roommates popcorn kernels.
You miss the bus.
You look on your phone and the next one isn’t coming until June.
You have to sit on the bus in between those fat twins on the tiny motorcycles in the Guinness Book of World Records picture.
You are accosted by the crazy guy on the bus that tries to lick people’s ears.
You get your ear licked.
You miss your stop because of the aforementioned ear licking.
You are late to your job and have tongue juice in your ear so you get scream-punished by your boss.
You forget to clock-out, which forces you to write an embarrassing email at 5:06pm.
You realize your bus home isn’t going to arrive until July.
You have to pay bills, launder clothes or do any number of things that prevent you from relaxing.
You find no beer, no blanket, no leftovers and your TV is stuck on a channel that just shows the Justin Bieber movie on repeat.
You stay up way too late watching the Justin Bieber movie multiple times in a row.
You hit your knee on the corner of your nightstand. Ya know, just to mix things up.
You lie in your bed with your eyes wide open thinking about every time you’ve ever said “good” in response to someone asking “what’s up?”
But sometimes isn’t all of the times. So keep your chin up, keep chugging and baby-proof your nightstand. That thing is dangerous.