Jeff Phillips: Invitation to Join a Secret Society


You will shit with other men.

And your shit will be preserved in an ark.

In 10,000 years, wars will be fought to find this.

Our ghosts will be laughing.

Our laughter will heat the Earth.

And when the Earth warms, our investments will ching, ching, ching to accompany the chains on our roly-poly souls.

Your descendants will have no worries.

We’ve planned for everything they will need when the Earth craps out.

You will worship your descendants.

See, people think we’re self centered?

They don’t understand.

They’ve had every opportunity since the dawn of man to think ahead for their children’s children.

The people we sort of stomp on, are they not just a little selfish and short sighted themselves?

You will also worship the descendants of other members.

Because we’re a community.

And we give a shit.

The thing is: a fungus spreads on our shit.

To clarify, the shit we put in the ark.

And the fungus has hallucinogenic properties.

On the day of your initiation, you will be asked to take a big whiff.

You will never see things the same way.

Inhale like you mean it, so the particles can really draft up far into your nose.

People from time to time may ask you; what’s stuck up your butt?

Tell them they must be mistaken, the thing that is stuck, is actually up in your nose.

Decaying in your sinus cavity during your remainder, it will keep the visions stirred behind your eyelids.

You will see what’s really important in life: that people get the hint that we’re the shit.

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