J.T. Carlton: The Good Life

My grandfather,
When he comes over
For Christmas, or birthdays,
Thanksgiving, whatever,
He always tells us to turn off
The damn television.
Get off the couch.
Go outside.
Talk to another human being,
For chrissakes.
Don’t get me wrong,
I get it. I really do.
But then, he’s never seen
A single episode.
So he doesn’t really know
What the fuck he’s talking about,
Does he?
He hasn’t experienced it.
He’s not addicted.
It’s really not just TV.
It’s a living, breathing thing
It’s part of the family.
These characters,
They’re all part of me.
It’s better than life.
Better than the real world.
Hell, they even have
A show about that,
So you don’t have to
Leave anything to chance.
You just press a button,
Turn on a screen,
A mirror to another world,
And away you go,
Zipping, Zooming,
Zizzamaranging,
Ears drooling, eyes bleeding,
Hypnotized, overdosing
On pure, raw content.
This shit, I kid you not,
It’s like black tar heroin,
But fun for all ages.
Toddlers these days
Are starting to grow antennas
By the age of three,
Which is really convenient
When you’re traveling,
Because you can live stream
All your favorite shows
Wherever you are,
Or so I’ve heard.
Even the babies, nowadays,
They sit or stand up close
And they laugh and burp,
Vomit static, shit bandwidth
They get a real kick out of it,
All the colors, probably.
All the sounds.
Maybe I’m being too blunt,
I don’t know.
My grandfather,
He just doesn’t understand.
He’ll never know what it’s like
To grow up in a sterile bubble,
Like little David Vetter,
Away from all the nagging
To-dos of everyday life,
Like sunshine and trees,
Hard work, all that banality.
It’s so overrated, really.
Not unlike this show,
Where these people fight
For control of a kingdom,
And they murder each other
And rape each other
And set each other on fire.
This is the new drug, man.
Let me tell you, it’s a doozy.
My grandfather,
He’ll never know what it’s like
To veg out on the couch
With a joint, or a bottle of wine
And parachute some
High definition, mainstream shit.
I feel sorry for the guy.
I really do.
This is the good life.