[Dear Readers: You wrote in and we listened! For the next two weeks, we will be featuring a variety of pieces on “firsts,” based on your suggestions. Want to participate? Just fill out this very short, nine-question survey and enjoy!]
Remember the first time you showed a girl your dick?
For me it was a menage a trois.
and there were two of them.
what a terribly tender moment.
I was seven I think.
But I clearly recall a quid pro quo,
you show me yours and we will…
Suddenly my path became clear,
I was charged with a powerful knowledge,
That what I had,
It was vaguest understanding,
my burgeoning manhood unfolding,
for christ sake, this is why Errol Flynn stood the way he did,
why Zorro could jump off balconies unscathed,
what else might be my birthright?
I flipped out my monster.
They pointed, laughed and sprinted away.
I have been looking for what I am owed ever since,
and the girls haven’t stopped laughing yet.