SHOSHANNA: Thank you so much for meeting me today, like, you have NO IDEA.
CERSEI: There might be worse ways to spend an hour, although I very much doubt it.
SHOSHANNA: It’s just that I really could use some advice, like, from someone who’s been there, you know? I mean, not that you’ve been there, you’re like, Queen Regent and all, which is, like, so amazing, OF COURSE you’ve never needed to interview for a job, but it’s just that my friend’s dad got me this interview and it’s my first one, I mean, well, my first REAL one, if you don’t count the one I went on last month that was pretty much for like a glorified assistant, as if I paid upwards of fifty grand a year to attend NYU so I could set up MEETINGS, you know?? Anyway, I’m super nervous because my friend Hannah told me that Agnes told her that I’m up against this girl Geneva who went to Yale, and not that I’m intimidated PER SE, like I know I’m really smart and professional, and I know a ton of Ivy League assholes tha– Oh my god, I’m SO sorry, I probably shouldn’t swear around you – you’re, like, royalty! I hope I didn’t offend you. That would be TRAGIC.
CERSEI: Ah, a respite from your blathering. What is it that you want?
SHOSHANNA: Um, I think that you just insulted me but frankly I’m kind of terrified of you? So I’ll pretend that I didn’t hear it. Ok, just to be clear, I DON’T want to have anybody killed, I mean, I heard that you tried to have your brother killed, like, at least twice, and I’m sure you had really good reasons, but in my case my problem isn’t that serious. I mean, I’m pretty desperate but not THAT desperate. I just need to know what a strong woman like you would do to, like, seize the position and the power and just the life that you want.
CERSEI: What a sweet, eager little bird you are. You still believe that because you want something desperately it can be yours. Where is my daughter whom I miss with a ferocity that you could never understand? Shipped off to Dorne by that abomination you call my brother. Where is my warrior lover that slayed my heart as well as kings? He might well be lost to me forever, like his useless severed hand. My son, Joffrey? I watched him die a cruel death. You think you’re entitled to greatness – or worse, happiness – but you’ll find out soon enough that you’re just a pawn in dangerous men’s foolish games.
SHOSHANNA: I am SO sorry about your son. That is TRULY awful. Also, I don’t mean to be rude, but I heard a rumor that your boyfriend was also your brother, which is so crazy, I mean, I’m sure it’s not true but I thought you should know what people are saying. People are SUCH whores.
SHOSHANNA: Oh, don’t go, I still have so much more to learn from you! My interview is tomorrow! Just one more ques—
CERSEI: If you are half as clever as you think you are you will stop speaking this instant.
SHOSHANNA: —tion! What should I wear??