Elizabeth Gomez: How to Be the Perfect Internet Troll


  • Use many “I” statements.
  • Use an exaggerated amount of exclamation and question marks to prove your point.
  • State statistics and articles from media that reflects only your particular point of view.
  • Be the funny guy and post a meme in response to the troll before you.
  • Judge how the person looks, specifically attacking their weight or hairy underarms.
  • State again and again that the person you’re attacking should “Move out of America if you don’t like it!!!!!!!!????!!!!!!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!!!!!!!”
  • Make sure to explain at least once that you have been through a similar situation but had a completely different outcome to counter their point; lie if you must.
  • Rant using fancy words so people think you’re educated even though your execution of the word is completely incorrect.
  • Tell them that you can’t believe they have children or that you’re happy that they don’t have children.
  • Using any racial or misogynistic comments to distract readers from paying attention to the author’s point is always encouraged.
  • Judge them with religious values that you hold but they probably do not. Judge them hard.
  • ALL CAPS can be effective especially during a paragraph long comment.
  • If all else fails, call them an Ubangi Lipped Homosexual Communist.

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