Kirk Novak: 17 things not to say to someone standing at a CTA bus stop with a mackerel in their hand.

17 THINGS NOT TO SAY TO SOMEONE STANDING AT A CTA BUS STOP WITH A MACKEREL IN THEIR HAND.

ONE

IMG_2175

I know that this seems like an innocent question and an obvious one with which to lead, but to someone standing at a CTA bus stop with a mackerel in their hand, the answer is yes and your small talk is banal.

TWO

IMG_2176

Someone standing at a CTA bus stop with a mackerel in their hand knows what kind of fish they are fucking carrying, and if they don’t it isn’t any of your business.

THREE

IMG_2177

Why aren’t you carrying a mackerel?

FOUR

IMG_2178

If the fish was in a cooler it would be someone standing at a CTA bus stop with a cooler in their hand. That is an entirely different list of many things not to say to a person doing one specific thing.

FIVE

IMG_2179

If someone standing at a CTA bus stop with a mackerel in their hand starts hitting you with that mackerel, run away instead of making this perfectly reasonable request.

SIX

IMG_2180

See #5.

SEVEN

IMG_2181

The kind of person who is standing at a CTA bus stop with a mackerel in their hand, that’s who.

EIGHT

IMG_2182

Yes, and now someone standing at a CTA bus stop with a mackerel in their hand has one instead of you.

NINE

IMG_2183

I know how to clean a floor, but I wouldn’t say that to someone standing at a CTA bus stop with a mackerel in their hand, either.

TEN

IMG_2184

Gross.

ELEVEN

IMG_2185

Probably the mackerel in the hand of the person standing at a CTA bus stop.

TWELVE

IMG_2189

    Nobody likes a know-it-all.

THIRTEEN

IMG_2187

If you’re not going to stop someone standing at a CTA bus stop with a mackerel in their hand from boarding with that fish, shut the fuck up.

FOURTEEN

IMG_2188

Someone standing at a CTA bus stop with a mackerel in their hand wordlessly nods their head in agreement.

FIFTEEN

IMG_2190

They won’t listen.

SIXTEEN

IMG_2191

Ventra cards might as well be fucking mackerel.

SEVENTEEN

IMG_2192

Snape kills Dumbledore.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s