Kirk Novak: After Having Enough, Keith Morris Explodes

He couldn’t go to work, because the boss is a jerk, and he didn’t have time for school, because those fuckers are fools.

After over 30 years of having enough, Keith Morris finally explodes.

Kirk Novak
Staff Writer
Orange County, CA
December 22, 2013
Starbucks

Keith Morris had just ordered, “the biggest fucking cup of coffee you corporate tool bags have, black please,” when he violently exploded, showering bystanders with eviscera in a local Starbucks.

“I can’t stop thinking Black Thoughts,” said a teenage witness who was getting along pretty good in life, despite coming from a broken home, and didn’t really understand what that weird old guy with the dreadlocks was so angry about.

KeithConfusion continues to reign in the area, as residents are increasingly horrified that the ominous warnings about punk rock from the 70s and 80s were now being realized. “I just don’t know what I’m gonna do. I don’t know what I’m gonna do. Maybe I’ll have to move from Beverly Hills, Century City,” shrieked a hysterical patron clutching a Shih Tzu.

Keith Morris is survived by his band, OFF!, who were out back stealing discarded vegetable oil from the dumpster at the time.

OFF! issued the following statement:

“We’re going to finish college since Keith truly lived his songs and couldn’t go to school. Most of us are still remarkably young, so we’ll probably play in a few other bands that you won’t hear about because they don’t feature a punk rock legend. After a while, we’ll probably hang it up and start professional careers that commodify our experiences.”

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