HEY!!! CHECK ME OUT!!! I’m an email labeled High Priority, sitting here in your Outlook inbox. I’m the equivalent of a screaming baby on an airplane!! You cannot ignore me!!
I can tell that you’re purposely covering me up by maximizing a Powerpoint file. Now, that is just rude. I know you saw me. This isn’t the train on a Monday morning; you need to at least acknowledge my existence. Open me up!! I’m red!! You continue to further ignore me as you mix the fruit into your Greek yogurt. I am starting to get very upset, as you’re pointedly avoiding me AND you’re not supposed to mix the fruit in.
OK, I kinda get it. I guess I am somewhat known for crying wolf. I have appeared frantically jumping around in front of many emails in the past that weren’t really all that pressing. But this time, I promise that I am not just trying to budge everything else in your queue. I’m important, I swear! Just take a quick peek at me before you go out to lunch!
I can see you’re back from lunch. Nice attempt at trying to hide the Panda Express takeout bag in the garbage. That’s the thing about these fancy open-concept offices; we can see everything. And frankly, I think you need to work on your nutrition a little bit there, pal. I’m starting to worry about you. Sure, I know that responding to the influx of emails marked with my buddies and me are taking up all your time, and you didn’t get a chance to even take a lunch break until after 2, and even then you only had enough time to make a quick run out for fast food that you scarfed down over your desktop calendar. It’s not my fault……is it?
I can see the mouse moving towards me–is it happening?? Yes!! You are finally reading me!! Thank you! So here is your message: “Please reformat all of the Powerpoint slides that you spent the last two days working on. I forgot to tell you that they should all be in the theme Office 2 instead of Office Classic 2. Hopefully this isn’t an inconvenience.” Wait, are you hovering over the delete button? Don’t cli–
Drinkers with Writing Problems 