Kirk Novak: Profound Thoughts #1

As a little kid, I wanted a serious injury that would require me to wear an eyepatch like a pirate. Now that I’m older, I still think that would look really cool.

I prefer to get inebriated alone, so I don’t have to hang out with people that are drunk or high. They’re the worst.

Nothing is original, everything is stolen. Including the wireless connection I am using at the moment.

At 37 years old, I think I have finally reached the age that I have always imagined myself. I surpassed the age that I act a long, long time ago.

My body is not a temple. It is a seedy dive bar that is open until 5 AM.

I dislike the term “messenger bag.” I am a man who carries a purse.

People are worried about all the wrong things. Dolphins are human shield using, people raping, infanticidal psychopaths. Again, Dolphins are human shield using, people raping, infanticidal psychopaths.

Hodor.

I’m not a homophobe and I support marriage equality, but I realize that it isn’t a black and white issue. Probably because I’m not a racist either.

I think that calling supporters of the Tea Party, “teabaggers,” is an insult to people who enjoy having balls bounced upon their face.

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