If you knew me at all, I normally don’t address anything about my body below the waist or above my thighs. So consider yourself special for what I’m about to reveal.
When I am sitting on the toilet, I do a lot of thinking. Most people like to read, look on their phones or paint their nails. Not me, because I can’t get that invested.
Please understand that I live in a small apartment with one toilet and four people. Two of them are children and the other is like a child, he is my husband. It is a rare moment in my day that I can be alone and quiet. As a result, most of my “me” time is in the shower or on the bog. Given the few minutes to hideaway, I take advantage of pondering some of life’s most difficult questions and often revisit them. Here they are:
- What will Kim and Kanye’s baby look like?
- Is there a possibility that my mom is somehow related to Kim Jong Un?
- What will I have for dinner tonight?
- Are cats really that funny?
- How to make gum change flavor after chewing it 100 times, yet keep it soft?
- Why did it take so long for Doritos to make a chili lime chip?
- What did I eat for dinner last night?
- Is Jimmy Fallon the true king of late night?
- Wouldn’t it be awesome if he went to war with Leno? There would HAVE to be bannermen and dragons. MUST.
- How many people masturbate in public restrooms and is it worth the risk?
So, there you have it. Cheap thoughts for writing a cheap post. Stay tuned for more lists like: What to Name Your SUPERSTAR Drag Queen Baby, New Flavors Made by Doritos That Should Have Already Been Made Since It’s a Really Simple Concept, and If I Had to Name a Line of Lubricants.
– Elizabeth Gomez
Drinkers with Writing Problems 
I like to call the toilet my ‘thinking chair’