There once was a wife who kissed Santa
And probably more (“Oh Mylanta!”)
Her husband saw all
and forgave her gall
but his manhood has not and it can’t, uh . . .
There’s not a gift exchange so rough
as when nothing’s good enough
“It’s cotton, not wool”
“It’s not compatible”
Next year thankless jerks get no stuff
There once was a girl who loved sweets
and indulged in holiday treats
Her blood sugar soared
Her doctor was floored
He said Fuck devil sugar, eat meat
There once was a bustling workshop
of disgruntled elves who couldn’t stop
they went on strike
Santa’s head’s on a pike
now he’s a jolly red lollipop
There once was a girl so gung-ho
she resolved to lose weight snorting blow
her bottom looked fine
not so her bottom line
in 2016 no more snow
There is a bald man named Tom Skilling
whose reports are so unfulfilling
In December we suffer
from constant cloud cover
By New Year’s it’s time to start killing
Drinkers with Writing Problems 