Sandra Benedetto: Limericks for the New Year

There once was a wife who kissed Santa

And probably more (“Oh Mylanta!”)

Her husband saw all

and forgave her gall

but his manhood has not and it can’t, uh . . .


There’s not a gift exchange so rough

as when nothing’s good enough

“It’s cotton, not wool”

“It’s not compatible”

Next year thankless jerks get no stuff


There once was a girl who loved sweets

and indulged in holiday treats

Her blood sugar soared

Her doctor was floored

He said Fuck devil sugar, eat meat



There once was a bustling workshop

of disgruntled elves who couldn’t stop

they went on strike

Santa’s head’s on a pike

now he’s a jolly red lollipop


There once was a girl so gung-ho

she resolved to lose weight snorting blow

her bottom looked fine

not so her bottom line

in 2016 no more snow


There is a bald man named Tom Skilling

whose reports are so unfulfilling

In December we suffer

from constant cloud cover

By New Year’s it’s time to start killing



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s